Not Waving but Drowning
by Tonkswyrda
Summary: Nobody heard him, the dead man, but still he lay moaning. Remus has to convince Tonks to stay home, but shes not going to give in without a fight. she wont let him die alone. written for the what if challenge on hpfc. rating for language.


There was a loud beep sounding from the bedside table.

Remus sat up groggily, and picked up the muggle telephone. The order had been using muggle devices for communication, as the ministry couldn't trace it.

"Hello?" Remus muttered, as Tonks sighed, wrapping her arm around his waist.

"Remus?" Kingsley Shacklebolt's deep voice sounded from the ear piece. "This is it. At Hogwarts. He's coming."

Remus sat up straighter. "Are you sure? You mean… this is _it_?"

"We're sure. We've made contact with the D.A. Harry's there, and that's what he's saying."

"Right. I'm on my way. See you soon." He made to hang up.

"Remus?"

"Yea?"

"Are you going to tell Tonks?"

Remus looked at his wife, still sleeping soundly beside him. He glanced up, to the cot at the end of the bed, where his son was asleep, snoring lightly. He shook his head.

"No. I'll… I'll try not to wake her." His voice caught in his throat as her thought of leaving her. Again.

"Good. I didn't really want her to…"

"I know." Remus looked down at her again. "Neither do I. Teddy needs at least one parent." He sighed. "I better go, ill see you there soon."

"Okay. Bye." The line cut off.

Remus hung the phone back up, gently pulling Tonks' arm off from around his waist. As quickly and quietly as he could he dressed, cursing under his breath every time he stood on the creaky floorboard, or bumped something. Finally dressed, he pulled his cloak around his neck, and grabbed his wand off the table. He turned to leave, but froze when he heard Tonks murmur. He glanced back at her, only to see she had rolled over to where he should have been sleeping, and was waking up.

"Remus?" she muttered, rubbing her eyes.

He didn't say anything. He stood with his hand on the handle, staring at the wooden frame, hoping she'd go back to sleep.

"What are you doing?"

No such luck. Crap. He turned around. Her eyes were still bleary with sleep, but there was a look of understanding on her face.

"It's happening, isn't it?" she asked, looking down.

"Yes." There was no point lying to her.

Her head snapped up. "Wait for me." She swung her legs out of bed, pulling the sheets back to reveal her wrock! Singlet and purple boxers.

"Dora…" he sat down next to her, pulling the blankets back over her knees. "You have to stay here."

Her eyes opened wide in shock. "What?"

"You're not coming." Remus told her firmly. She scowled, pulling the blankets back again, standing.

"I am."

"You can't." he stood.

"Why? Why not? How come you can go and I can't? I'm an Auror!" Tonks shouted.

"You're also a mother!" Remus said, looking at Teddy, who was stirring.

"And you're a father! That doesn't seem to be stopping you from going!"

"I- Teddy needs you, Dora. He doesn't need me… as much."

Tonks shook her head. "Of course he needs you, Remus! He needs both of us! But if you're going, then I'm coming with you, because I need you too!" She grabbed the front of his robes.

"No, Dora, don't do this again…" he gently prized her hands off his clothing. Her eyes were watering.

"But i… we-" she looked at Teddy- "need you. Don't go."

"I have to. I can't just stay here…"

"But you expect me too!" Tonks cried furiously. "You know I can't!"

Teddy started to cry.

"You have too! I swear Tonks, if you follow me, I'll stun you and bring you straight back home…"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Please… please… Dora, I can't have you there… your aunt's out for your blood, I just can't have you there… I won't be able to think straight… please… just stay here." He couldn't believe he'd had to revert to begging.

She shook her head, as Teddy's wails became louder. "If you go, so do I." tears were dribbling down her face now.

He bit his lip, shaking his head. "No."

"Remus… you can't just expect me to sit here and wait all night, not knowing if you're even alive!" the tears were coming faster now. She ran her fingers over his cheeks.

"You have to." He cupped her face in his hands, smiling weakly. He kissed her. She responded urgently, her tears falling onto his face. he pulled away.

"Remus, no…"

"What on earth is going on here?" Andromeda walked in, passing them and picking up Teddy, who was still wailing.

"He's at Hogwarts, Andromeda. I have to go." Remus said firmly.

Andromeda nodded. "Good luck, then."

"What? Mum, you cant just let him go-" Tonks cried, staring at her mother.

"Yes I can, Nymphadora, and you have to as well. You have Teddy to think of."

"So does he!"

"Nymphadora Lupin, there is no way I am letting you go to fight when you have a child. He needs one parent! And I am not going to stay behind by myself to pick up the pieces!"

Tonks stared at her mother in shock, as she realized what she was saying. "one…" she choked, turning to Remus, shaking her head.

"Dora…" he warned, but she threw her arms around his neck, kissing him fiercely through her tears.

"I'll always love you…" he murmured, nuzzling her neck, breathing in her scent, most likely for the last time. "No matter what."

She nodded, taking a deep breath. "Love you." She choked, stepping back and letting her arms drop.

Remus almost stayed then. He couldn't stand seeing her like that… so… defeated. But, shaking his head, he planted a quick kiss on Teddy's forehead, nodded to Andromeda, and walked out the door.

Tonks sighed, sitting on the bed, shaking, head in her hands. Her mother sat next to her.

"It's for the best."

Tonks nodded, looking up. She took Teddy and held him close. He looked up at his mothers empty face, touching her wet cheeks. His hair turned sandy brown as he looked at his fingers confused. Tonks kissed him, lying back in bed.

He wasn't crying anymore.

She couldn't stand it. Teddy looked so much like him… great hiccoughing sobs rocked her body. Andromeda pulled her up, wrapping an arm round her shoulder, rubbing her back.

"It's not fair…" Tonks mumbled.

"I know, hon. I know. Life is never fair."

Bouncing Teddy gently in her arms, Tonks pulled herself together. She had to be strong. She pulled her wand out from under her pillow, and summoned Teddy's plush wolf from the shelf. He cuddled it tightly, and she held him just as close. Lying back, she stroked the wolf's fur, staring at the ceiling.

Andromeda stood. "im going to try and get some sleep. Do you want anything to help…"

Tonks shook her head. "Thanks Mum. We'll be fine."

Andromeda nodded, leaving the room, closing the door softly behind her.

"We'll be fine." Tonks whispered to Teddy. "All three of us."

It was a long night. She had troubled dreams, and found herself waking up crying every few hours. But eventually she fell into a light sleep, only waking up again when the door opened.

"Dora…"

"mum?"

She sat up, and saw her Mothers face, covered in tears.

"What happened?" she asked, sitting up.

"he's… he's gone." Her mother gave a weak smile.

"What? No… no! Fuck!" she buried her face into her pillow, crying. That was it. He was gone.

"Dora? Honey, what are you crying for?" Strong arms lifted her up, a big hand holding her head close to a familiar, warm chest…

She looked up at Remus' confused face.

"You… you're alive!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Yea…"

She threw her arms round his neck and kissed him.

She heard a chuckle from the door, as it creaked shut.

"I thought you were dead…" Remus shook his head, panting slightly as they broke apart.

"Nope. Just a few more scratches to add to my collection." He kissed her again, more gently this time. A small whimper sounded from next to them. Smiling, Remus reached over her, picking Teddy out of the pile of blankets surrounding him, and kissing him. Tonks smiled, taking Teddy into her arms as he woke up, his blue eyes blinking.

Remus cleared his throat. She looked at him, and blushed when he saw the plush toy he had pulled from under her pillow.

"We both needed that last night."

He grinned, pulling her and Teddy into a hug. "I missed you." He whispered.

"I missed you more." She whispered back.

He kissed her, grinning cheekily. "You have no idea how much easier it is to concentrate knowing your safe. A clear head is so much better to work with…"

She laughed, kissing his cheek.

He pulled back slightly, frowning. "Why did you think I was dead?"

"well, Mum came in and she was crying, and all she said was "he's gone"… I just assumed…" she trailed off.

"That she meant me." He grinned. "no such luck!"

She hit him, grinning. "Don't be silly." She buried her head into his chest.

"Long night?" He asked, stroking her hair.

"You've no idea." She muttered darkly.

"I think I do." He said, his eyes glazing over as he stared out the window.

She ran her fingers over his cheek, bringing him back to reality.

"The… the bodies… they were everywhere… you were tripping over them as you fought… and Colin-" his voice broke. "Colin Creevey… he was underage, he shouldn't have been there… Bellatrix just threw him aside… like a doll-" he stopped, his eyes haunted.

Tonks pulled an arm around him. "its ok now. It'll all be ok."

He nodded. "I know. I know."

**A/N: Review... Title from the poem by Stevie Smith, not waving but drowning.**


End file.
